Day 24

Friday

Rilee had a run in with the door today and I had to take her to the ER where I was sure they would stitch her closed but instead they used glue. Which is great supposed to heal it better and life goes on. Well he said it was waterproof and it was ok to shower and so I washed her tonight and actually left the bandaid on and decided id clean it next bath. Well I took off the wet one to put on a dry one and the glue didnt even stick in the cut. It was on the bandaid and came off with it…therefore immediately starting to bleed again. I really hope it stops itself ive got a nifty one on there now that holds the blood inside. I feel bad for my baby.

I am babysitting right now. Its been a long day and Rilee doesnt want to go to bed yet she just screams and cries so im going to wait until I put the kids to bed at 9 and lay her down and let her CIO. Shes been a tough girl today and barely cried with her head wound. She didnt like me pinning her down to glue her though. Heather and Mark are going to be out late tonight so itll be good to get paid a decent amount.

I might be going to the lake on Tues but nothing is final. Itll only be if I dont work but Heather isnt sure yet. I kinda hope I get to go to the lake I havent been in awhile!

Nate doesnt want to be with me. He said that hes sure hes not the right guy for me and doesnt want to put forth any effort into it. Well I guess I should have said ive seen it coming. I hate this process…waiting until they finally realize they dont want me. Only to tell me that they dont think they are good for me… when in reality if I like someone I do think they are good enough. Duh right? Where the hell did the decent men go? I swear when I liked being single they were all over the place. Now they are either taken but then again even the taken ones are dirtbags. Fuck. Life is dealing crappy men lately. I think I want a reshuffle.
Its almost time to get things ready for bed and kids settled down. Tomorrow is the 4th of July and I think we are going out to the river and then to Red White and Boom. Last 4th Rilee was only 4.5 months old. Sounds crazy to say that now that shes almost 15 months. Man have things changed. Potty training to ensue soon!

Combined Day 22/23

Wednesday:

Saw Jack today. It was a good session. I got to talk without the burden of Rilee and I got to realize that I have a hard time letting go of the past. Past situations… Past relationships… Past anything that I can remember. I wish I was able to get over it so that I could move on in my life. I hold onto everything and compare everything. It would be nice if things were easier to deal with.

Rilee did good in daycare except for her crying at meal time.

Went to Wednesday night market with Darren whom I havent seen in a long time. It was good to catch up and see him and DJ again. I might help him coach DJs soccer team which would be really good. I would love to get back into coaching. Wed night market was crazy and insane and run down with teenagers. But it was good to get out with Rilee and enjoy the night. We went to Applebees with Darren and DJ and it was a good night.

Thursday:

I worked today. It was nice to know that ive got money coming in. The kids were good today and we picked up the house. Rilee had a final day of daycare until Monday when I get to be a secret shopper. We are going to eat dinner here cause Heather is making spaghetti and it smells really good! I got my laundry done…and folded and im happy that my house is clean and my clothes are clean. Life will pick up soon. I know it.

Day 20

Wow I must admit that im happy that ive written something for 20 days. Thats almost a month. Just put Rilee to bed and thankfully its not so hot anymore. My head is pounding and I wish that I could get rid of this migraine that ive got. Oh how I wish I had someone that wanted to cuddle tonight. That totally seems like a good headache cure. Tomorrow Rilee goes to daycare and I hopefully will get the willpower to clean my house. I have to get at least the toys picked up and vacuuming done because its hard to walk through the hallways.

Last night I had to give one of the kitties away  but Punkie will be in a better place because they cant bite and fight anymore. The family she went to is very loving and has another cat for her to grow up with. Since shes been gone though Spooka has had a major attachment disorder. She has to walk right by my legs and sleep on top of me. Hopefully she will get over it.

Nothing too majot happend today. I got to babysit for Aubrey which was an easy 25 dollars. Maybe ill just post some more childcare ads up. Time for bed though my head in prohibiting me from thinking clear thoughts.

Day 21

FUCKING A.

Somehow all that ive written for this day got erased so I have to try to remember what it is that I wanted to say for Tuesday. I didnt have work. I cleaned the entire house while Rilee was in daycare. I slept a little bit and I think thats about all that I can remember from this day. I know I wrote something about seeing Jack tomorrow (wed) and how Nick is talking about coming back and how it would be nice and how I miss him and what we had.

Combined Day 18/19

Saturday

I gathered a group of friends together (Chantelle Ryan and Mary) and we all went out to the river for a couple hours. It was amazing out there. Hot and the water was cool and we floated and played and had a good time. Came home and I didnt have Rilee because Chantelle had her for the night because Chris was coming to town.

Chris and I went to the casino because its air conditioned and it also seemed more fun than the bar. So we went and I made 228$ profit. Sweet now im not so far in the hole anymore. It was fun and we got mcdonalds on the way home and crashed when we got here. He left early to take his daughter to the zoo.

Sunday

Went to church but Rilee wasnt having it so we ended up having to leave early. She tried taking a nap but didnt probably because its too hot. And she doesnt feel well… so we went to Lexis makeshift party in the quad and she ate and  played and then they all went to the river so I put her down for a nap and slept a couple hours as well. Now we are trying to stay cool without AC or fans. I have a migraine and think im going to go get a smoothie!

Not too much else to talk about today. Havent heard from Nate since friday morning… maybe hes moved along?

Day 17

Went to Manpower today to fill out the 2 hour long application process to hopefully get placed at some sort of employment. It was long but if it pays off…literally… itll be worth it! I have high hopes that in the next couple of weeks im going to be employed.

On the way home to get Rilee I was listening to Froggy and they were talking about the blood drive and how they needed A+ blood which is my type. So I called Kate at Rilees school to see if she could stay an extra hour and I went and gave some blood. It was awesome to know that I was giving blood that will one day potentially save a life. Amazing how the world works and I think that I might start doing it more often. It doesnt take that long and it goes to a good cause. I did my good deed and was able to give something back.

Tomorrow Chris comes! I cant wait to hang out with him again! And I think a couple friends and I are going to go to the river tomorrow. It should be fun and then I get to drop Rilee off with Chantelle and her mom and have a Saturday night to go do something fun! I love summer! I cant wait to go to the river for the 3rd time this month with Rilee! Matty might come and Damon and tomorrow im going to send a mass text out to everyone so anyone is invited.

I need to clean my house first before I go tomorrow so thats incentive! I am kinda tired tonight. Probably because I chose to stay up late last night and watch 7 pounds. It was good but not the best movie ive ever seen. I think I might watch Benjamin Button tonight so that Monday/Tuesday ill have 3 new movies to watch.

I just realized that rent is due soon and I am negative 600 so if I put Nicks checks in the bank ill only have 400 for rent and I need 975… so I think I have to go open another account somewhere and pay with another check. UGH I wish I would have thought ahead… but regardless itll all work out. It has to!

Day 16

More bad news… aside from the days being half days at work I now am short 2 days next week. So all together ill make about 40 bucks for next week. OMG  desperately need a job. Tomorrow I go in and work with Mario to fill out the Manpower application process.

Last night Rilee Amy and I went to the fair. It was fun to see Rilee old enough to enjoy some of the rides and things that were there. And to watch her waddle around. I love my baby girl. Then we got some jack in the box and watched What Happens in Vegas. It was a good night. Oh ya… almost forgot. Amy and I spent a bit of time driving around waving to everyone that we saw on the street. I mean yelling and waving hi! It was fun and I definitely needed the laughter. I slept pretty good afterwords as well.

Work was simple today. Rilee went to school the kids cleaned the house. I did my laundry. And then we got Rilee. And then we came home and I got to be Suzie homemaker and cook some chicken and stuffing bake with corn on the cob. I cant wait until I have someone that comes home to eat dinner with. Surprisingly Nate and I have talked a decent amount of time. Its nice to just have a voice to chat with! Hopefully it could turn into something more?

Chris comes in 2 days. I am excited to see him. But nervous as to what he has to tell me. I hope he doesnt flake because ill be pretty pissed. Tomorrow after my appt I see Laurie as she has some ideas for me to try. I will do anything right now. Its about time to put Rilee down and get into bed. Another day has come and gone.